Thursday, April 9, 2009

Is Cross-Cultural Marriage Good?

Along with the development of globalization and transportation, a great amount of people have the opportunity to go abroad or make foreign friends, which broadens their horizon on one hand and provides them with more opportunities to get to know a new world on the other hand, such as some website about international marriage links, for example. Choosing a foreigner as a partner is getting more and more popular. As a result, it is becoming a social issue which has also caused some public concern, an expert called Dugan Romano analyses this public phenomenon from his point of view, another engineer Joseph L. Larabell also puts on an article in his blog with a title of "sobering advice on cross-cultural marriage"from his side . Every coin has two sides. On the one hand, some people think it can be successful as long as a couple can work well together based on some points. Take my roommate as an example, she is a Chinese girl and marries an American man when she was in US 4 years ago, she always conveys happiness and pleasure to me, she even suggests me to marry someone with different culture as well. She tells me that staying with a foreigner and share everything different with your own culture is an amazing thing! You can find lots of surprises and unknown stuff in life, you can also feel different passion and feeling from time to time. However, she also admits that there is always something unexpected happen in real life, such as culture conflicts, different life habits, and so on. All I know is that now she is still happy with her foreign husband.On the other hand, Some people even think cross-cultural marriage is a dangerous behavior, which can also be known in Ampbreia's personal blog. There is a real tragic story about a cross-cultural marriage, it talks about a Chinese girl falling in love with an English man from the beginning to the end, she was cheated by that person and lost all her money and property, at last, still divorced due to culture conflicts.

From my point of view, I hold a negative attitude to the issue of crosscultural marriage. The reasons are as following:

In the first place, I think international marriage is not always happy. A cross-culture marriage is hard to satisfy the basic requirements in the long run, try to imagine, if both sides don't understand and accept each other, how can they communicate and share their minds in future? It is like a potential bomb and will be harmful in the future if is triggered by some trivial things. According to a recent survey by USA TODAY, " The share of Hispanics and Asians married to whites dropped between 1990 and 2000 after two decades of steady growth." And also, people are from different places with different religious beliefs and habits. You can't deny the fact that when a couple starts a relationship, they are attracted by mysterious, exciting and unknown forces. However, once they settle down, both sides may start to feel bored and tired, some may get homesick, etc. How can they deal with family issues caused by different beliefs, different habits, How can they make a living from different points of view, Can they really compromise each other because of "real love"?


In the second place, a cross-culture marriage may bring two families a heavy burden resulting in much misunderstanding and unhappiness. For instance, if parents from one side comes to visit, who's customs and traditions should they follow, how to find the source and deal with the conflict? Especially when an educated man from a high developed country marries a woman from a developing country, who can guarantee there is no race discrimination in their family?


In the third place, if they have children in the future, once their marriage has problems and they get divorced in the end, how to arrange their children? As the victims of a marriage, which culture should they adapt to? How can they face two different cultures in the future and how can they survive in a totally different environment after their parents' divorce?


In summary, a happy marriage is based on understanding and comprehension from both sides. A couple may share everything in life and construct their happy marriage, they may take same responsibility and take care each other. In this way, it may reduce the divorce rate in the near future. But, crosscultural marriage takes a big risk in constructing happy marriage, of course, it is only my own opinion, no matter it is a good or bad thing, will be proved by more facts and investigation in the future.

So, from what has been discussed above, what is your opinion of crosscultural marriage?

15 comments:

  1. Hi guys, welcome to my blog, we can share different opinions about the topic, welcome more commentary!

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  2. Howdy Yan Qi

    Interesting topic! In some ways cross-cultural marriage is not a bad thing because there are plenty of people in such marriages who've managed to make a go of it. Children have a tough time when there's divorce regardless of whether the marriage is cross-cultural or not. One would have thought the intended husband and wife would have discussed the ramifications of cultural differences BEFORE getting married?

    But then I read the site link 'dangerous' and that made me reconsider the whole thing! Generally, it's harder on the woman because in many instances it's the woman who has to make the most sacrifices and adjustments. Ampbreia certainly makes a strong case. So perhaps in the end it is dependent on how radically different both the husband’s and wife’s cultures are as to whether the marriage can be sustained and how adaptable the woman is prepared to be.

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  3. I would have to say your view point is very interesting, and I can see why you have worries. But I would have to completely disagree.
    I am have been, and am currently in a long term relationship with someone of a different culture to mine, and although, I have to admit there are sometimes things we can not agree on, I think that is perfectly natural in any relationship. We can't be so close minded, if we were then the world would just not progress. I think there is so much we can learn from a partner of a different culture, and isn't that what life is all about- accepting, and learning?

    In your blog you mention a Chinese girl that married a foreign teacher who stole her money etc, but you didn't actually say where this teacher came from. This leads me to the conclusion that you were not so much appalled by the culture, but instead the act of cruelty itself.
    It doesn't matter where you come from, there are always going to be bad people, and it's just unfortunate that the Chinese girl married one.


    Quoting you: "In the third place, if they have children in the future, once their marriage has problems and they get divorced in the end, how to arrange their children?"Does this mean that you think ALL cross culture marriages are BOUND to end up in divorce. Again, I would have to disagree. I know of many cross culture couples who have had long and wonderful relationships, for instance, my parents.

    In your next piece of writing I would like to hear about where your views towards this issue stemmed from?

    A very interesting read, thanks.

    Lauren.

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  4. I must admit that I agree with Lauren. The bible says you must not be unequally yoked -I interpret this to mean you should not marry someone who is not on the same level as you. However this doesn't mean you shouldn't try to understand one another. If two people from different cultures fall in love I believe there is no problem with them marrying. What they need to do before that though is to spend as much time as possible trying to work out any issues they might have before they get married so that if problems do arise after thet are married it's not such a massive thing.

    Shae

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  5. To Neo-walt

    Thank you for your comments here, as a matter of fact, what I mean exactly similiar to your opinion, in the first paragraph, I give the introduction of this phenomenon, following provide several typical cases. What I mean is that every coin has two sides, as for me,I just choose one side-negative. Maybe there are too many negative cases happend in life around me, or maybe I have heard so many unfortunate case, therefore, I have a so negative attitude. Anyway, I may need to do more research work on the happy side of crosscultural marriage to change my attitude in the future.

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  6. To Lauren

    Dear,I can understand your standpoint. In the issue of crosscultural marriage, I hold a negative attitude which stems from a number of unfortunate stories, but you are right, we can not arbituarily think of everything, maybe I am a stubborn girl, once make an impression of something, will keep thinking in one way.
    You are right, later I will revise my writing and provide a new article with more proof on positive aspect of crosscultural marriage there.
    Thank you for your commentary.

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  7. To Silmarien,

    Thank you for your commentary, in my article, there are two different views, which talk about possitive and negative aspect of crosscultural marriage. Some people think it is good, from my point of view, I doubt it. Divorce is caused by many reasons, such as misunderstanding, different habits, incompatible characteristics, etc. In these reasons, problems arising out of crosscultural marriage take a large proportion. That's why I take a negative attitude towards this issue.

    But, as I said in the first paragraph, every coin has two sides, you may have different standpoint, I may have my own, or maybe sometimes we may keep neuturality.

    Welcome to more commentary here, we may talk more on this issue.

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  8. I am definitely for the idea of cross-cultural marriage because all the men in my nation are hopeless. I wish I could find a Kiwi boyfriend and get married with him. I think the Kiwi guys are much more handsome and gentle.

    As for the topic, I consider that a successful relationship based on communication and tolerance. Without them, the same-cultural marriage would end up with divorce, let alone the cross-cultural one. The in-law parents of both sides should know each other well before their children get married.

    I am blissful that my parents are open-minded. Therefore, I won’t encounter problems if I really marry to a English gentleman.

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  9. You are welcome to visit to my blog http://heartb80.blogspot.com/

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  10. Hey guys,

    Kiniko makes a valid point. There are many cultures in which women are having difficulty in finding a suitable partner. This can be because of their higher education or expectations of a better life, one that does not immerse them in cultural restrictions and stereotypes.

    However, there are cases, too, where men or women seek out a particular culture and will not date anyone in their own culture. They feel that their own culture is inadequate in some way or they have a generalized view that another culture is in some way superior and will offer them, for example, a better economic position.

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  11. interestingly enough even though i think i 'believe' what my first comment stated, after thinkning about it for a while i realised that even though i'm pro interculture marriage i myself have never thought about marrying anyone else other than a white kiwi guy? interesting. do i have double standards? :)

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  12. Dear All,

    Thank you for your comments here, thank you for so many different views. Well, like what I said before, every coin has two sides, you may think cross-marriage has its advantages, or some of you have different standpoints, it really depends on different culture,education,background and understanding.

    Take myself as an example, I have just broke up with my boyfriend although I thought he would probaly marry me and we will live together forever, he is a Chinese guy, we share same culture in life, but, we still broke. See, sometimes you can not help it.

    Thank you for your concern, I am fine and will back to you soon in the next class.

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  13. Hi there
    Your blog is a very intersting topic that i had not thought of.
    I am very for Cross Marridges, i mean it shouldnt matter where you are from of what culture you are. If you are in love then why dont get married. It would be a wise idea for them to think about any culture differances that may accur while they are married but i see no problem with it.
    I think it is very sad how Woman are the ones who have to leave their countries and familys and move to wherever the men are. When you say

    "There is a real tragic story about a cross-cultural marriage, it talks about a Chinese girl falling in love with an English man from the beginning to the end, she was cheated by that person and lost all her money and property, at last, still divorced due to culture conflicts."

    This is very sad that is happend but you dont have to be in a Cross-cultural marriage for this to happen it could happen to anyone.

    I really enjoyed your blog.

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  14. I am sorry to hear about that Yan...
    it proves that no matter what background you come from we are all different.
    And I think its just a matter of finding that one person you really click with.
    I personally don't look at skin colour, race or cultural background, but once again this depends on each individual person.

    I hope you are ok, don't worry you'll get through it.

    Lauren

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  15. It is a big issue to think about. I think it all depends on how two people work together with different cultures, life styles and so on. Their different personalities count as well.

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